Abstract and imaginary concepts have always been difficult for me to grasp. I have always known I was a tactile learner. I needed to see, touch, taste, and move things around to understand a concept. And so, relationships feel like imaginary numbers at times.
“Sometimes, things have to fall apart to make way for better things.”- Ted Mosby
When relationships fail, we are quick to ask WHY. I can't count how many times I have been asked, and if I knew... maybe I could have prevented it.
But that's just the thing, what if all relationships are bound to end? It is a harrowing thought. If all connections eventually fade, would you still come up to the plate and play? In theory, we all end up leaving the ones we love through death unless we die with our significant other. We measure the success of a relationship by how long it lasts. Although that success is taken away the moment a partner leaves. Heraclitus observed that the natural world was in a constant state of movement. Change is the only constant.
Maybe it is time to change the way we define and see successful relationships. Maybe time shouldn't be a variable in the equation.
What if our relationships never end?
What if every connection sends endless ripples in an eternal sea of human connections? Motion and Momentum in this ever-changing universe.
What if we are tiny spherical objects placed on a billiard table, each spinning obliviously unaware of the other objects on the table? The second you collide, momentum changes. The movement may not last, and the ball may stop spinning, but the shift in direction cannot be reverted. It is forever etched in the fabric of time. This is Newton's First Law.
Inertia.
An object at rest remains at rest or an object in motion remains in motion at constant speed and in a straight line, unless acted upon by an unbalanced force. Had I not met you, my path would have been straight and predetermined. I would have been in a constant state of rest. Meeting you was the catalyst that changed my trajectory, direction, and momentum.
This brings us to Newton's 2nd law...
Force.
The rate of change of an object's momentum equals the force acting upon it or the applied force equals an object's mass multiplied by its acceleration.
It takes more effort to move a heavy box than a light one. We, as objects on the proverbial snooker table are all unique, to say the least. Some can be all sunshine and rainbows while others bring the thunder and the rain. I have never been a sunshine and rainbows kind. When it comes to romantic relationships, I fall on the heavy side. Like most single mothers, I have an extra load to take along for the ride. I will move mountains when I am committed but I will require the same to be moved. With 3 kids in tow, I do not have time to figure out if you will be contrite in your commitment to me as I require you to be committed to my children with the end game of building a family. My family, your family... your core, your priority. And I guess unless you are truly part of that... I cannot make you my priority as well. After all, I do have 3 other individuals to feed, clothe, care for, and provide for before I can even take the time for myself or for another.
See, I may fall in love... but love is not just an emotion for me. Love is not some form of singularity that is boxed up with just a feeling. Love is a commitment, love is action. Love is staying beyond the warm fuzzy romance. When the initial interaction and collision have faded... Love should be enough to keep you true. Let's park that and bring it back with thermodynamics.
Action and Reaction.
Newton's 3rd law states that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. The theory of cause and effect, Karma, and the golden rule, all these are great pretexts for this. This is where the laws of thermodynamics come into play.
Thermodynamics basically describes the relationship between matter and energy and how they relate to temperature and entropy with a 3 plus 1 law.
Conservation of Energy
The energy of a system may change forms, but it is neither created nor destroyed. Let's rephrase that. Energy can neither be created nor destroyed. Energy can only be converted from one form to another. Whatever you put out there, it will come back. Criticism begets criticism. No matter how virtuous your intentions may be, the energy of your words may hurt and bring resentment. In the same light, the 1st law of thermodynamics is also the trap that most people fall victim to. The thought is that one's potential is locked in every individual. This is kinetic energy being converted. You can't get something out of nothing after all.
Entropy
The 2nd law of thermodynamics or the law of entropy is the wasted energy that happens during the transfer. Hot things eventually cool unless you do something to stop them. Hear tends to dissipate, moving to cooler regions. Anything that goes against this requires additional energy to power it. In relationships, this is where commitment comes in because eventually, we all end up losing "that loving feeling". You either put more work into it to keep your equilibrium or you trust that even though you no longer feel that either person is "in love", you still love. You trust that despite the long nights, the non-existent conversations, the non-commital stance, there is still love there... just going back to its resting phase which most would think of as a long slow "heat-death".
Absolute Zero
The eventuality of entropy brings us to absolute zero. However, a system at absolute zero is NEARLY zero but not necessarily exactly zero. The proverbial hope at the end of the tunnel. And like most matter that do not attain zero entropy, I neither believe that the end of a relationship means zero ripples and interactions. As ripples go, we are never the same after the initial interaction. More ripples are created, and the interaction has forever changed you. I can attest that i am not the same person I was after a breakup nor do I expect that I will no longer react to previous interactions that have left footprints in my memory. Who is to say that years after a break-up, the possibility of another collision may still be there or maybe each learns to interact in a different way. Maybe as friends instead of lovers.
The Impossibility of Perpetual Motion Machines
While energy may change from one form into another, entropy increases, and some of that usable energy is lost. We are all powered by energy sources, little interactions, a slight touch, and a kind word. Eventually, these sources are depleted. There is hope though. Hope and trust that we can all endure the storms.
Whilst these theories end with an inevitable end, keep hoping and keep playing. I hope you hold enough energy inside to trust that when a relationship implodes as all stars do, you stay and wait for the supernovas instead of walking away.
After all... love is not just a feeling. Love is a commitment.
